by Irene Daniel
I love the Fourth of July. My mother was born on the Fourth of July; and even though it wasn't planned that way, it is also my sobriety birthday. 17 years now. And this Independence Day, I will celebrate a new freedom: freedom from two-ness.
E.W. Dubois talked about this in an Atlantic Monthly article titled “Strivings of the Negro People” in 1897, coining the term "double-consciousness;" wherein one must observe themselves through the eyes of those in unearned authority over them in order to survive, much less thrive. Johnny Cochran also discussed this social condition in his book, "Journey to Justice." Many others have spoken and written on this mental station over the generations, as nonwhites must succumb to indignities, and sometimes betray their natures, in order to succeed in a white man's world.
I too have succumbed to domination in my life, in order to get what I wanted; to feel safe, to get that job, to be included and recognized in the great American Dream. I have been in polite white company in order to advance my dreams, and listened to their racial slurs and sexist jokes; mostly ignoring them, for to pay heed to all of them would leave women and nonwhites with no time to accomplish anything else in our lives. But no more.
I am cleaning out all of the excuses that keep me in my comfort zone these days. I have been in a deep state of grief and depression for much of the past two years, following the death of my mother, as well as my beloved Uncle John. I was in a very dark place for a very long time. And now I'm not.
I miss my mother so much lately. And I hear her whispering to me, "no te dejes, mi'ja; no te dejes." "Don't let them have you. They don't deserve you." And I know that she is right. They don't deserve me. So who is this "they," anyway?
THEY are the men who afford themselves instant credibility, while denying even common courtesy to women.
THEY are the so-called "Christians" who claim to love America, yet seem to hate Americans, unless of course, they are white, "Christian," racist, sexist, xenophobic and close-minded, like themselves.
THEY are the disciples of Ayn Rand, who must enforce a protective scheme, built by their unearned privilege, in order to look down upon "the other;" and then claim to be disciples of Jesus.
THEY are the hypocrites who hide behind the Son of Man to justify their lack of compassion and disdain of sick and poor people.
THEY are the unjustly enriched, who wrap an American flag around their greed, proclaiming the need for more unjust enrichment for themselves, and austerity for "the least of these."
THEY are the know-nothings, who fly their confederate flag and vote for more poverty and ignorance for their children.
THEY are the 21st century Pharisees, who would crucify Jesus all over again; and, somehow, blame it on Barack Obama.
THEY are the ones, wherever they are, who value money over love, rules over compassion, and conformity over creativity.
THEY are the ones who would rather see me enslaved than happy.
I am free of two-ness now because I have no need to ask THEM for anything anymore. I am free! Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I am free at last!
Free from having to ever sacrifice even so much as a micro-smidgen of my dignity and self respect to conform to a status quo that mocks and feeds me at the same time. No more two-ness for me -- of any kind.
I realize that in claiming this independence from the judgment and scorn of THEM, I have to be willing to give up something; let go of that which is holding me back by keeping me physically comfy. This is not an easy thing to do.
But I am worth much more than all of the physical comforts I now enjoy, combined -- and multiplied by infinity. Acknowledging this true fact is the foundation of my celebration this year.
So, this Fourth of July is truly a new Independence Day for me!
How about you? Are you free? I hope so.
Happy Independence Day!
Irene Daniel Copyright 2014 All rights reserved
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