Before I record another syllable, I want to start
this commentary by expressing my condolences and prayers for those murdered,
and especially to their families. I cannot imagine the shock, horror and
sadness, not to mention bewilderment. We are all bewildered when someone,
perhaps somebody we know, goes to work one morning and never comes home again. We
all feel for these grieving families, and we all want to ask why.
Why, why, why? One more time, we witness a bloody
massacre at the hands of someone who was, at best troubled, and at worst just
flat-out psychotic. The immediate answer for many is to pass legislation that
restricts access to certain firearms and big magazines. Perhaps this would
reduce body counts and overall damage. But would it change hearts?
And then the counter-attack comes with an angry
retort about 2nd amendment rights and big, bad government. Even more
profound is the argument that guns offer protection against “the bad guys,” the
“monsters” with guns. To these proponents, arming everyone is the answer.
And then there is the aspect of mental and emotional
health, or lack thereof, that is sometimes awkwardly discussed, but because of
medical privacy issues, never approaches a sound resolution as to the balance
of privacy and public safety concerns. I admit, it’s a tough issue, fraught with
constitutional, as well as moral issues. In speaking of morality, I demonize no
one, but I wonder over and over again why these discussions offer only
incomplete, if any, real remedies.
In all of these discussions, there seems to be a voyeuristic
curiosity about the perpetrator of these mass killings. Who was he? What were
the warning signs? Were there any? However, aside from the immediate juicy
chatter, there is little discussion about what can be done to create less “monsters.”
The gun was the tool used by this monster, who was once a very cute little
baby; but other tools have been used to kill lots of people. While less often and with less effectiveness,
no matter the weapon, what ends in bloodshed and death, begins as a mere
thought in someone’s head.
I know that we all care about the victims -- and their
well-being and protection must be our primary concern. But we never seem to
really care even a fraction as much about the murderer. We throw him to the
dung heap because that is where monsters belong, right? While I understand the
sentiment, and can’t say I wouldn’t feel the same if someone I loved was
murdered in this manner, nevertheless, the more we refuse to invest any effort in
trying to understand these deeply disturbed and gravely ill individuals, the
more these incidents will persist.
I don’t know if there is a disease or evil in our
country, but I do know that these people who snap somewhere and move on to mass
murderer didn’t get that way overnight. How can we not recognize their illness,
their dis-ease with themselves and the world around them? Is there no curiosity
as to how somebody went, in 2 or 3 decades, from being a cute little toddler to
a mass murderer?
How about, instead of arming good guys with guns to
deal with bad guys with guns, we put some focus and some effort in creating
less bad guys? This actually seems a much more plausible and effective solution
than invading the privacy of those seeking mental wellness, or starting a war
over domestic disarmament. While reasonable gun restrictions should be pursued,
investigating, and especially educating the public about, mental health issues
and how they become enlarged and unmanageable when untreated, would be, in my
opinion, a much more effective alternative.
This brings us face-to-face with an incredible, yet
not insurmountable image problem. For far, far, far too long, we have demeaned
and stigmatized mental disease and defect, and ostracized those who suffered
therefrom. This means, of course, that those of us who need treatment are
reluctant to seek it because we are afraid of losing our jobs, friends,
support, and on and on. We fear our lives and we fear treatment. That leaves us
in our own self-made no-man’s-land. For those suffering from serious
depression, the world is a dark and ugly place. We don’t care about others
because we don’t care about ourselves. I know. I’ve been there. We isolate and
ruminate. And if we have a gun handy, who knows where that darkness can lead?
What is required is a paradigm shift in how we focus
on mental wellness, before it festers into mental dis-ease. Mental wellness is
more than going to see a shrink, which most Americans are loathe to do, when
you feel down. While, therapy is one part of mental wellness, it remains a
treatment, an adjustment, and not a permanent way of life for most of us. What
if therapy became less necessary to get well because we never got that ill in
the first place? What if we learned how to attain and maintain our own
emotional and mental wellness with skills and tools learned from sustained
practice – like brushing our teeth and flossing? Preventive mental health,
anyone?
Keep dreaming, you say? It’s not a dream. It is
happening all over the globe. For some, it involves mindfulness training, which
teaches us how to examine our thoughts before acting on them, and perhaps
preventing a downward spiral into depression. For some, it is a combination of
mental and physical exercise, like yoga or martial arts. Meditation, prayer,
chanting. These are all tools that can be learned and used to maintain a sense
of awareness of the present moment and our relationship to it; and keep our
thoughts from taking us to places that we don’t want to go. Moreover, this
sense of mental wellness creates a greater sense of connectedness with our
fellows, and helps us to understand how our words and deeds impact them.
Mental dis-ease is a very serious issue that we must
have the courage to face head-on. I know first-hand how deadly it can be, and
the long-term effects it can have on families. There are mental health issues
on both sides of my family and I have inherited the dis-ease of my mother and
grandmother, who killed herself with rat poison at the age of 52 in the throws
of menopause. I am named after her, but she died before I was born, so I never
met her – this woman who was too ill to travel further in her darkness, and who
passed her fears and loathings on to my mother, who passed them on to me.
I used to be ashamed of both of them. I knew about
my grandmother’s suicide and I always knew that there was something amiss about
my mom. She never sought treatment. They just didn’t do it back then. I was
always afraid someone would find out about my crazy family, but right now I am
neither ashamed, nor proud. I just am. And I am finally learning that just
being me is enough.
Emotionally and mentally sound and happy people, who
are satisfied with themselves, are less likely to murder others. Isn’t that a goal worthy of American investment? Creating an environment of awareness, an awareness that includes us all? I hope so, before it’s too late,
before these mass murders become commonplace, as it appears the daily murders
with smaller body counts already have.
It starts in the mind. This is the truth for all of us. I believe it is easier to encourage mindfulness and to teach it to our children, than it is to keep cleaning up the blood and dressing up for the funerals. And now I know that I am not alone. I could no longer live without meditating now, any more than I could jump off a building and fly.
Come join us. It starts with mindfulness.
________________________
For more info on mindfulness meditation go to: http://www.mindfulnessprograms.com/mindful-healing-series.html.
Or just google mindfulness.
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