I had barely had a chance to absorb
the murder-suicide committed by Kansas City football player, Jovan Belcher,
when there was a mass shooting at a shopping mall, followed 3 days later bythe
horrific massacre at Newtown, Conn, in which 28 people died, including twenty 6 and
7 year-old children, and six educators; as well as the shooter and his murdered
mother. While there is much conversation
in the twitter-verse and blogasphere, as well as in Washington lately, something about this last incident seems
to have tipped the conversation somewhat, to a greater acceptance of
implementing reasonable gun safety measures.
While
I am glad to see the conversation shifting somewhat, it appears that many are
looking for some kind of magical one-stop answer to an issue that is very
complicated and involves many different aspects of our society. There are also
those on the right who respond immediately and defensively, as though armed
forces are going to trample through their homes and businesses next week and
confiscate all of their firearms.
There
are no easy answers, no quick solutions that would have prevented these
incidents from occurring; nor any easy solutions to future prevention of such
horrific acts. Any sustaining solution to gun safety issues must include not
only easy access to weapons, but mental health accessibility and privacy, as
well as the glorification of violence in our culture, from video games to TV
shows.
I
grew up in a small town, probably much like Newtown in many ways. Known as the “Cowboy
Cradle of the Southwest,” my home town reveled in the cowboy culture of horses,
rodeos and guns. At that time, we also had a federal and state prison, which
employed many of our local citizens. A lot of people had guns, but never
flaunted or worshipped them. They were used for hunting and personal
protection. Dove and quail were hunted in our neck of the woods, and deer
farther north. On occasion, local hunters would bring my mother dressed
carcasses of dove and quail, as well as venison steaks, because they knew of
our struggle with poverty, and that my mother needed this meat to feed us.
I
will always respect hunters and those who use guns for sport, as I know so many
of them, and know them to be responsible gun owners. Moreover, this is really a
more holistic way to feed oneself, rather than picking a package out of a cellophaned
butcher counter. Perhaps some of my liberal friends who shudder at the mere
mention of a gun, could treat these individuals with greater respect for their
way of life, and realize that any outright ban of all personal firearms is not
only, just not going to happen, but is unnecessary and disrespectful to their
fellow Americans. However, if any of the weapons used by Adam Lanza had been
used for hunting, there would be nothing left of those birds to cook.
So what is reasonable with regard to guns? A
ban on assault weapons? Restricted access for those who are not mentally and
emotionally mature enough and stable enough to control their emotional
impulses? Certainly these solutions seem reasonable to most of us, but creating
legislation that addresses the competing interests of freedom, safety and
privacy needs to be arrived at very carefully and methodically in order to
arrive at a meaningful solution that also respects the freedom and privacy of
our citizens. I am confident that compromise can be found as our lawmakers
prepare to debate and negotiate more appropriate gun safety laws, in an effort
to prevent such wholesale slaughter in the future.
The issues of violence in our
culture and mental health distinctions are much more complex, however. We will all need to set aside our egos and
what we think we know as we navigate all of the complications that implicate 1st
amendment freedoms and privacy issues. For me, the issues of violent cultural
choices and mental health are not always easy to separate. For example, in the
case of the Belcher murder-suicide, I see a number of prevention tools that
were either not known to the victims, or simply ignored.
Let
me explain further. This murder-suicide took place on a Saturday. Saturdays for professional football players
are “game-face” days. In other words, in order to prepare for the next day’s
aggression, a football player starts to put his “game-face” on in the 24 – 48 hours
preceding the big game. Which means that Belcher was most likely already in an aggressive
mind-set, as well we would expect. His victim, Kasandra Perkins, being very
young, very stressed out and extremely hormonal, being 3 months post-partum,
was possibly not in complete emotional control either. So, we have game-face
and raging hormones most likely controlling the conversation and communications
between these 2 people. When we add to this scenario, access to a firearm in
the overwhelming gun culture prevalent in professional sports, we have a recipe
for violent disaster. I wonder if either of them had every been counseled about
how to avoid and/or resolve quarrels by using tools and methods that can be
taught to all of us.
While
there is a lot of discussion out there about violence in public places, there
is woefully little about violence in the home and its effects on our culture as
a whole. Isn’t home where everything begins? It is my opinion, based on my
experience, not only as a family law attorney, but as a mother, daughter,
sister and human being, that many of us were abused, in one way or another as
children. I am not blaming my mother, or the Greatest Generation, or any one
entity, but I have to be honest about the violence I grew up with in my home;
and the years of treatment and medication it has taken for me to cope and learn to
leave that part of my life behind. Social mores were different then, and what
was once discipline is now considered abuse. My mother did the best she could,
and there was no real help for her in dealing with her rage and inability to
control her emotions at times, so she never sought treatment for her
depression. If she had, she probably would have had her children removed from
the home, which would have exacerbated her emotional imbalance. Most child
abusers were themselves abused. Most of them need treatment, not incarceration
where there illness can only fester, left untreated.
Too
many of us have witnessed and/or personally experienced ways in which violence
is used as a problem-solving tool. For some of us, that lesson was learned at an early age. This is the root of the
problem, I assert, for many people with uncontrollable violent tendencies. When
we see this as children, and are not treated for our trauma, or not taught
other ways resolve differences that are as quick and effective as violence, we
begin to adopt it as our own, whether consciously or subconsciously. Moreover,
when we see this tool being used in all kinds of ways for entertainment value,
it becomes an acceptable norm.
And when we see, over and over
again, this tool being used by others, and merely lamented instead of
adequately analyzed in an attempt to prevent it, we become hopeless and/or
defensive. I think this is where we find ourselves today.
First and foremost, we must ensure
that all of us, especially our children have ready access to mental health care
professionals. Children in pain are often willing to talk to an adult about
their issues if they feel that they are safe and that their sharing will not
lead to further complications for their parents and families. I know that I never
shared my trauma because I thought that my mother would be punished and that the authorities would take me away from her. Even as a
child, I knew that she needed help more than punishment. I am not suggesting
that child abusers not be held accountable, especially those who inflict
permanent physical damage. But amends can be made in other ways that don’t
further threaten whatever stability those children have in their lives, or that
induce a sense of guilt for having their parents imprisoned. Some child-abusers
need to be behind bars; most do not. Here in California, the Children's Court in place to deal with dysfunctional and dangerous conditions for children, is woefully underfunded and sometimes seen as only adding additional trauma to young lives due to inadequate resources. The mental health of children should be our highest, not our lowest priority.
My ultimate point is this: children who were themselves abused, or
witnessed physical abuse and violence in their families of origin, and who are
treated for their trauma, are less likely to become violent themselves.
Moreover, they are more likely to know how to get help for themselves and their
families, when they see emotions escalating into violence. There are solutions if we have the will to prioritize our nation's mental health, especially for children.
How’s that for a starting point in
dealing with violence in our communities?
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