by Irene Daniel
Political correctness seems to have taken on a negative connotation through the years. I was astounded when a contestant at a beauty pageant was asked if political correctness was destroying our society. And I wondered what that term, "political correctness" meant to both the person asking the question and the person asked. Did it mean the same thing to them? What does it mean to you?
I'm Mexican. 2nd generation, Mexican-American. The social customs and mores of my native culture dictate a certain kind of conduct in relationship to others, chief among them simpatico and respeto. Simpatico is just what you might glean from this word's romantic root -- sympathetic, but more empathetic really. A Mexican family will practically walk over glass to ensure that you are comfortable and feel welcome in their home. It doesn't matter how big or small the casa, mi casa es su casa. A Mexican hostess would consider the evening a failure if her guests did not feel, not just welcome, but honored. Honor. That always reigns supreme in my culture. And the honor is not about ourselves, but about how we treat others.
Respeto is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Again, it's Latin root intimates the English meaning: respect. Sure. But it's more than that. It's respect all dressed up, all the time. First and foremost, respeto is what we are trained to always give to our elders, our guests and those in position of authority over our lives, e.g., parents, teachers, law enforcement. But it is more than just respect; it is honoring those who have come before you and being open to what they have to teach you. It is a sense of fealty; something sacred. This social custom honors the passage of time, and those who have come before, who have accomplished something in their lives. Those with professional degrees and licenses are treated with great deference.
So you see, my culture instilled in me a sense of myself by the way that I treat other people from the time I was learning to walk and talk. Now I'm not saying I'm always good at this; being something of a loner. It is, however, indelibly ingrained in my DNA. I passed this on to my son by teaching him magic words: please, thank you, you're welcome, how do you do? Stuff like that. Now, I'm not saying my culture is better than any other. It's just mine, that's all. It's what I know.
So, imagine my shock at the manner in which I have been made to feel unwelcome, unwashed, and somewhat "less than" in places that boasted of welcoming me. What kind of places, you ask? Places like UCLA. Oh yes, this liberal mecca also educates, as well as hires, many an elitist. Big law firms claim to aggressively recruit "affirmative action" hires, but then insult us in our interviews by telling off-color Mexican jokes or asking us questions about traveling abroad when they know we come from a family of working stiffs and that we are on scholarship and living off of school loans. It's almost as though they want to see if we can take it, if we are tough enough to work in the piranha tank they call a prestigious law firm. They seem to have no idea how much harder we had to work, just to get to the same place, than the armies of preppies they hire every year. They have no idea how resourceful we are. Because we have to be. But, because our parents couldn't afford to take us to Europe, somehow we are considered "less than."
And let's not forget those truly unforgettable Rotary meetings (District 5300), where lynching jokes were unabashedly told from the podium at a noon luncheon meeting in the presence of about 200 community and business leaders in the Pasadena area. The joke was offered by an Annapolis grad who later, at a most convenient moment, admitted to have actually marched with Dr. Martin Luther King. And this man held himself out as a political consultant. This really happened. And that was only one of the myriad examples of a verbalized hostility to "the other," especially liberals, in this internationally renown service organization.
And this form of banter from an organization that prides itself on applying their "4-way test" to all circumstances. What is that test? Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build good will and better relationships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned? Racial slurs and sexist jokes cannot pass this test, and yet they fly about their meeting rooms, even at the District level. And they wonder why they are losing 10% of their membership every year. Like the Republican party, they cannot seem to understand why certain kinds of people do not relish their company and don't want to waste the time or pay money to hang out with people who are insulting us. Would you?
These are but a few examples of what I have experienced in my life. Rudeness. Crudeness. Insensitivity. A lack of knowledge of other cultures. A lack of respect for others, especially when you are inviting them in to be a part of your group. Inviting someone to lunch and then insulting them; well, where I come from, it simply isn't done. Even the least educated child in my culture knows that you don't make fun of your guests, your elders or anyone to whom you owe respect for having gone before you.
I do not expect a conservative white male to understand everything about my culture; nor do I expect molly-coddling or ass-kissing. But I think it is reasonable to expect to be treated with just common courtesy and some modicum of respect. Why is it that the dominant American white culture insists upon an unwritten entitlement to be rude, insensitive and sometimes just plain mean to "the other"? Don't they know that their words and tone and looking down their noses at others hurts us? Shocks us? Do they enjoy observing our deer-in-the-headlights look when our sense of self-esteem is so carelessly toyed with by people who don't really know anything about us? Moreover, don't they know, or even care, how they appear to us? Do they think we do not see the ugliness of their attitude?
Words can hurt or words can heal. Why would those who boast of their "Christian nation" choose words that hurt over words that heal? The name of Washington, D.C. football team is a racial slur to Native Americans. The Confederate flag is a symbol of hatred for those who have been oppressed by slavery and it's centuries long ripple effects, which the descendants of slaves still experience to this day. The words we use when addressing one another matter.
What is it about the dominant white culture that feels disabled if they cannot feel superior to "the other"? Why are they so afraid of equality? Why would anyone choose meanness over kindness? Divisiveness over inclusion? Rudeness over courtesy? Ignorance over understanding?
What does it cost any of us to be kind to one another? If you invite someone to your home and you inadvertently and unknowingly said or did something that offended them, wouldn't you stop saying and doing that thing? Wouldn't you feel grateful to have learned something about someone else and expanded your universe and your thinking just a little?
So this is what I don't understand about the revulsion to the term "political correctness." I don't understand why some Americans choose to cling to the mistakes and limitations of the past, instead of embracing their fellow Americans and fellow human beings today, in order to create that "more perfect union," that we all envision.
Racial slurs and sexist jokes won't get us there.
Copyright 2105, Irene Daniel, all rights reserved.
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